_unidentified_thoughts_

sponge

would the ocean be deeper without sponges?

– vonovitch

13
March 2014

infinite

only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and i’m not sure about the former

– albert einstein

13
March 2014

illegal

it’s illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you’re sitting on a curb in st. louis

– st louis authority

13
March 2014

beauty

inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened

– vonovitch

13
March 2014

hypothetical

what if there were no hypothetical situations?

– vonovitch

13
March 2014

stillness

the shadow of a telegraph pole inched between the gardens of two houses across the street, over the course of several hours, from lunchtime into evening. after watching this a few times i did the maths: the shadow movement from one garden to the next meant that both houses, the telegraph pole, the street, all of us, had travelled one thousand one hundred and sixty miles around the earth with the turning of the planet. we’d also travelled about seventy-six thousand miles through space around the sun in the same period and much, much further as part of the wider spiralling of the galaxy. and nobody noticed a thing….yesterdays here is not today’s here …its behind the sun, its in deep space, hundreds of thousands, millions of miles left behind. we can never wake up in the place we went to sleep in. there is no such thing as stillness

– steven hall

13
March 2014

escalator

an escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. you should never see an ‘escalator temporarily out of order’ sign, just ‘escalator temporarily stairs’. sorry for the convenience.

– mitch hedberg

13
March 2014

ice cream

an ice cream man was found in a critical state yesterday with his head covered in hundreds and thousands, raspberry sauce and a flake in his ear – the police have said that he tried to top himself

– ted robbins

13
March 2014

good news

first the doctor told me the good news: i was going to have a disease named after me

– steve martin

13
March 2014

gravel

push rice krispies into the tread of your tyres – to acheive that expensive gravel drive look

– chris donald

13
March 2014

peas

give peas a chance

– campaign for vegetable disarmament

13
March 2014

special effect

reality is the best special effect of all time

13
March 2014

peacefully

when i die, i want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

– anon

13
March 2014

the fruit police

we’d made it across death valley, our wallets had survived las vegas, we’d coped with the heat of the mojave desert but we nearly blew it all on the run into los angeles. we weren’t even going to los angeles but that only underlines the efficiency of the fruit police, the californian crack squad. driving along highway 14 the signs read “all vehicles pull over for agricultural check”. with no more warning we are stopped by a uniform with sunglasses and a holster and a revolver.

“any fruit?”

i turned to jo to ask her to confirm that we had none – why did i do that, i should have instantly barked “no” and we’d have been on our way but no – a slight hesitation by me, enough for the fruit police to notice a chink in the armour.

“i don’t think so……………… have we jo?”

“no i don’t think so”

“are you sure?…..no apples, plums, melons”

“er……no”

“no oranges, bananas, grapes?”

“er”

“nectarines, tangerines, lemons, pineapples, blackberries”

“no no”

……..we eventually made it through but only to hear in a news report on national radio one week later that a fruit fly was being held down the coast on big sur. terribly efficient those fruit police.

– vonovitch

13
March 2014

zippers

tugging at his zippers,
sweat in waterfalls down his leathers,
god used to scream into the mike,
blood-lightning spurted from the speakers
and the sparks were in his hair………..
then he decided to try for the family audience

– adrian mitchell

13
March 2014

you can’t win

you can’t win.
mary queen of scots invented high heel shoes to make herself look taller they cut her bloody head off

– john walton

13
March 2014

teeth

the amazing thing about lee mellons teeth is their strange and constantly moving placement in the many and varied dentures those poor teeth briefly get to call home. i would meet him one day on market street and he would have just one upper left tooth in his face, and then i’d see him again, months later on grant avenue, and he’d have three lower right teeth and one upper right tooth.

i’d see him again just back from big sur, and he’d have four upper front teeth, and two lower left teeth, and then after a few weeks in san francisco, he’d be wearing the upper plate without any teeth in it at all, wearing the plate just so he’d have a head start on gristle, and so that his cheeks wouldn’t collapse in on his mouth.

lee mellon told me that once in modern times he’d had all of his teeth in his mouth at the same time for a whole day. he was driving a tractor in kansas, back and forth across a field of wheat, and his brand new lower plate felt a little funny in his mouth, so he took it out and put it into his shirt pocket. the teeth fell out of his pocket and he backed the tractor over them.

lee mellon told me rather sadly that after he had discovered that the teeth were gone from his shirt pocket, it took him almost an hour to find them, and when he found them, they weren’t worth finding at all.

– richard brautigan

13
March 2014

finding something

finding something is just losing something else.

– richard brautigan

13
March 2014

picnic

We used to picnic where the thrift
Grew deep and tufted to the edge;
We saw the yellow foam flakes drift
In trembling sponges on the ledge
Below us, till the wind would lift
Them up the cliff and o’er the hedge.
Sand in the sandwiches, wasps in the tea,
Sun on our bathing dresses heavy with the wet,
Squelch of the bladder-wrack waiting for the sea,
Fleas around the tamarisk, an early cigarette

– John Betjeman

13
March 2014

Pooh Bear

So in America when the sun goes down and I sit on the old broken-down river pier watching the long, long skies over New Jersey and sense all that raw land that rolls in one unbelievable huge bulge over to the West Coast, and all that road going, and all the people dreaming in the immensity of it, and in Iowa I know by now the children must be crying in the land where they let the children cry, and tonight the stars’ll be out, and don’t you know that God is Pooh Bear?

– Jack Kerouac

13
March 2014
Crushed // Melon
  1. Crushed // Melon
  2. Heavy Wait // Melon
  3. Hello Boys // Melon
  4. Why I Hate the Sixties // Melon
  5. Spearhead // Melon
  6. Sheila // Melon
  7. Saturday Girl // Melon
  8. Park and Ride // Melon
  9. Now I know // Melon
  10. My Crap Life // Melon